Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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