Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
