glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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