Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
