The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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