my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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