The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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