I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
