just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
