I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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