Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
