Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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