Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
