I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
