I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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