My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
