I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
