He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
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Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?