Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
The only downside is I can't stop skipping