I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.