you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone