I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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