it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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