the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
