last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
