He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
