The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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