I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
