What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
