I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
