dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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