New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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