Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
