I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
