how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
