So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
