why didn't you poke me back
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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