he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
