I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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