I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
