there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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