You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
