mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
