waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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