K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
