sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize