I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
