i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
