Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
