The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
