Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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