i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
