I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
