Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
