i don't like sucking hair
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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