his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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