Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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