Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
