I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
