Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
