his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
