In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
