My sheets look like a crime scene.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize