So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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