I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
