There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
