She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize