when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
