She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
