I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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